The French Girl by Lexie Elliott

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


Warning: Despite popular belief (...my own personal convictions), it in fact is possible for a novel featuring the classic storyline of a group of privileged youth visiting a foreign land, only to become suspects in a heinous murder case, to suck. I mean to really, truly suck and disappoint on so many levels. And to think I recommended it be our book club selection (sorry guys) due to my unyielding belief that this plotline can save any novel. Joke’s on me.

That said, I refuse to let this waste of time immortalized on paper sour my feelings towards this sub-genre; if anything it makes me appreciate the other novels I’ve read in the past that much more. I highly recommend Cartwheel and Dangerous Girls, in case anyone cares..but I own the fact that I essentially write these reviews purely for my own benefit and entertainment, so it’s safe to assume no one does.

Where oh where to begin with this one? Oh, I know. How about I start with the ending, which can barely be considered an ending, and in this case, is simply where the author straight gave up and stopped typing words. This ending would be better suited for a cheap straight to DVD romance flick (Netflix wouldn’t even F with this). Actually, that’s a lie, it would be best suited still residing inside the author’s brain and never written in the first place, but alas, here we are. We painstakingly wait – think last in line at WalMart on Black Friday kind of wait – for the conclusion of this who-dunnit, only to be served a steaming pile of unoriginal, anticlimactic, and completely unbelievable conclusions, garnished with a stupid happily ever after final page. Even the lingering ghost of the murdered girl (“Her name was Severine!”) wasn’t interesting enough to save any part of this ending.

Why the author thought this story needed to be told is beyond me. Though the pacing of this novel is slow, I was able to fly through it (I’ll admit, it started off pretty decent..) all the while hoping, praying, that it would be worth it in the end. That somewhere in this mundane “how to start an unsuccessful legal headhunting company” manual, there would be a psychological thrill, or a fun twist, or even just a simple flashback to the fateful week in Paris. Ya know, what the novel was supposed to be about. But sadly, there wasn’t. This whole plotline is supposedly based around finding out what the hell actually happened in Paris 10 years ago, yet we never get one measly chapter dedicated to those seven days.

We endure pages upon pages of pointless, boring, annoying ramblings detailing Kate’s crappy start up company, her company’s financial woes, her employee’s daily temperament, their uneventful client meetings, Kate’s overuse of excel spreadsheets…………………………………………oh, sorry I fell asleep, did I miss anything? Jesus H. Christ, if you can find me one person, ONE, who found this aspect of the storyline even slightly interesting or critical to the plot, I vow to tear out all of the pages of this book and eat them. For real, I’ll do it, every single page. Don’t tempt me.

Because I am now 90% asleep and too exhausted to formulate witty paragraphs, I’m just going to provide commentary on the items in this novel that I especially found unbelievable or stupid, or my personal favorite, unbelievable AND stupid.

-The last page, also known as the quick highlight reel of Kate’s Hallmark movie of a life, complete with a marriage to Tom, a newfound successful career, the birth of beautiful twins and don’t forget, everyone’s favorite teenaged emo ghost, Severine!

-Kate maintaining a business and personal relationship with Caro’s father throughout her life was laughable. I mean, it makes sense to bond with the person that spawned your sworn frenemy, and spoiler alert, (as if you care) the bitch that murdered Severine, and let’s not forget, tried to kill you, right? Besties!!

-Caro being the murderer was awful. I couldn’t be bothered to even care about this storyline after it was revealed, honestly. And Caro committing the murder because she was in love with Seb was the most pathetic cop out.

-Caro facing no ramifications for her actions was ridiculous. She got away with one actual murder, one attempted murder, and committed countless acts of fraud and slander within the legal world with no punishment. Oh, sorry, check that. Poor baby lost her job at her dad’s lawfirm. That’ll show her! I know justice systems are flawed, but can we at least pretend this was supposed to be somewhat realistic?

-Everything about the Seb character. He was nothing more than a vapid douche with a really attractive face, per the author.

-The French investigator. Cue second, albeit more charming and foreign, douchey male character that all women fawn over. Not to mention his inappropriate relationship with one of the main suspects.

- Lara, the Scandinavian bombshell. It might take me a while to remember a character that displayed more sexist and negative female stereotypes.

-The fact that after all this – all 300 + pages of this murder investigation – the whole case was simply dropped due to “not having enough evidence.” What. You’re kidding. Why did we waste our time? Seriously. Tell me. I’ll wait.




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