Girls' Night Out by Liz Fenton

My rating: 1 of 5 stars


This novel really benefitted from the invention of Audible because I can promise you, if I was forced to consume it the old fashioned way rather than casually half listening while I scrubbed my toilets (gotta listen to something as I take on one of life’s greatest activities), I wouldn’t have finished it. But don’t worry, half listening was more than generous because if I happened to miss a few paragraphs, which I often did because, ya know, I couldn’t care less, it made no impact on my ability to follow along because every major plot point was repeated more times than should ever be allowed in a published work.

The three female lead characters were engaged in ridiculously adolescent like quarrels with at least one other character, often times more than one, throughout the whole narrative. These people were supposed to be 40 year old adults, but a kindergarten class full of orangutans would likely contain more maturity and a general understanding of how life works than any of the women featured in this novel.

90% of this novel can be summed up below:

Ashley: “How dare you want to sell our amazing, groundbreaking, Instagram famous brush/straightener/blow-dryer – in – one company, BloMe, to Revlon! I brought you on this vacation to solve all our problems, can’t you see that?”

Natalie: “Well I DO want to sell BloMe! You care about our company, BloMe, more than our friendship. And why don’t you tell me all of your secrets anymore? Am I still your favorite friend?”

Lauren: “I don’t really like either one of you very much, but I came on this free trip that BloMe money paid for so I could be a cold, resentful bitch that complains incessantly about her abusive dead husband in a tropical setting!”

That’s right, you get to hear these lovable ladies reference a bogus company called BloMe hundreds of times. It really wasn’t that witty or scandalous the first time, and it definitely wasn’t by the 500th mention.

The other 10% is as follows:

Ashley: “I really trust this Mexican stranger we just met, let’s follow him everywhere and never doubt that his intentions are pure! Yolo!”

Natalie: “I don’t like this Mexican man. You’re supposed to pay attention to ME on this trip and you’re spending more time with him. You’re selfish, Ashley!"

Lauren: “I, too, don’t enjoy being around this Mexican man, but I think you’re a crap friend for multiple other reasons. In fact, wish it was YOU that died instead of my awful husband!”

Ashley: “Oh dear, I suppose to solve these problems, I will simply take the drugs that my new Mexican friend has offered me – what could go wrong?!”

End scene.

Congratulations, you have just read a condensed, yet pristine in it's accuracy, version of this novel. Now get back to cleaning toilets in peace, my friends!



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